Dear B.,

You might be wondering why I am taking the time to write to you, when I shouldn't even remember who you are and what we were, but voila here I am, typing up what seems to be a letter of sorts to you. What do you know? I'm all growed up.

Judging from all the looks that you gave me, I'm guessing that you might have been wondering how I am and what I've been up to. Well, as you might have guessed (or not.), alot has changed even though some things will always remain the same. I have to say I was surprised to find out that you're no longer where I left you. Well, I knew that you would move on, but I didn't realize that you would physically move, because throughout the time that we were what we were, I tried to make you do just that. To move. To do something. Anything. I guess, I'm not the only one who's all growed up now.

To be fair, when we became what we used to be, you weren't the only one who needed help. I was going through a really rough patch in my life, and flawed as you may have been, you became my transitory helper or something uniquely weird like that. Like an old magazine in the waiting room that you know you've read before, but since you've got nothing else to do and you don't even really remember what it was about, you pick it up and start reading, only to remember that that was the issue that you weren't too fond of.

As I try to remember the time when we were what we were, I realize that we were both blinded by stardust for the whole time. And it never would have lasted even if we tried. And I think that's why we never really became friends. Even when we weren't what we were, we weren't friends. So of course, what we were was bound to fail. There wasn't enough common ground and there weren't any remarkable differences, there was only attraction and when that wore off, we had nothing, save an unborn child that failed to be conceived.

And though I love blaming you, the truth is, I was broken even before you. I was shattered and torn. I was hanging by a thread and I was hoping that you would be able to save me from the outside world and from myself. I didn't realize that you also needed to be saved. And what we both didn't realize was that we were the only ones who could save ourselves; separately and individually. When I clung to you for redemption, not only did I damage myself more, I brought you down with me. For that I apologize.

I also apologize for downplaying whatever we were. I wanted to nullify you. To erase you of all your worth so that no one would know that at one point in my life I felt for you. To make up for it, you should know that there hasn't been anyone after you. Don't get me wrong, I don't love you anymore, I guess that as broken as I was, you were the last straw to break me even more. And you may take that as a compliment or as an insult. Either way, you're validated.

Bygones.


As Always,
D.